sorry
i don't like sharing problems anymore.
i have grown tired of it because i've grown tired of problems.
although i need to let this out. i confess i did or more likely said something bad a while ago. i didn't mean it but i'm still sorry.
i have a question, is it bad for me not to be so sad even though my grandma has departed this world already? like what my dorm mate said, it's better to be honest than be a hypocrite. i think it's better for her to be there than here. she suffers a lot here and cries a lot here too. i guess there, with God, it's a better place out there. she can finally eat all the food she was craving for when she was sick. they said that heaven would be like a place of how you imagine it to be...now for example you imagine heaven to be...like mcdonalds, then heaven's setting would be likely there except there you can eat wow free cheeseburgers.
i wish she's happy out there. she should be. she must be.
i'm still sorry for everything. :|
sincerely sorry.
{ mood } sorry
Written by xin17 at 12:41 AM.
brick by boring brick
"If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hands
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark
And that's where I want to be..."
screw nstp. it sucks seriously! hassle.
{ mood } confused
Written by xin17 at 11:13 PM.
chill :D
hey there 
it's been a long time since i wrote here. i almost forgot the feeling. i almost forgot this. well prolly it's all due to my busy busy and shitty shitty life then...or basta it's more on the busy shitness alright. ummm...this is really hard. you know the feeling when you have kept something for a long long long time, and as the time passed by, they have all accumulated into this massive block and you have no idea how to get rid of it. well it's like this. since i haven't been blogging for like months now-there...thoughts in my head have piled up into this massive block of shit. ok scratch that...it wasn't really shit....just a thing.
ok so...i'm just gonna make this as short as i can possibly make this.
when it's over, IT'S OVER.
i don't think my mom get this but this is a fact. call me a pessimist...i think this may be true because I KNOW- as young as i am, I've been there. you have to know that when it's OVER it's over. and even if it start again, it won't be the same as it was before. that how easy can it be said, but when you try to suck it up and to get over it-it'll be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.
i may not believe in prayers but i believe in praying.
yeah screw me. but somehow, i don't the point of reciting prayers when you don't understand or mean any of them. i'm sorry but i believe more in praying, in talking to Him as if you have this intimate relationship. i guess just like communicating with any one, wouldn't it be better to hear something more sincere, and more personal than a recited, memorized bundle of words?
she deserves to be happy.
i don't want to spoil her happiness. so if she found one now. i want her to continue being happy with her happiness. she at least deserves to be happy. so for me not to spoil anything....i'll let her be. it's good that now she's smiling
i want to be happy.
you know when they said before that happiness is a choice? i didn't really realized it until now. but that saying isn't all true. it is partly true. so if want to be happy, then choose to be happy. FIND A WAY TO BE HAPPY and do it. just do it! right now, i really want to be happy because i've been through a lot of storms from a figurative one to a literal one. storms. hayyyy...they're really nasty. but it's just what they say, law of attraction- choose happiness.
i like simplicity. kung baga sa prutas ito ang pinaka katas- ang pinakaimportante sa lahat. i think this is better than before. before everything was complicated, but when i looked at the whole picture of it, i realized, IT WAS ALL STUPID.
i am currently addicted to facebook for reasons i don't really get. i know for some facebook is really lame..just a time burner...but it has games..-those kiddie games that i just love playing.
a friend of mine said that those are just played by people who missed childhood. i just didn't say it then, but i'm guilty. i guess one reason to it is that i missed some part of my childhood for some shitty stuff that aren't even important nor entertaining as those games in facebook. another reason may also be the fact that i like simplicity. the games in facebook are simple. you don't have to think a lot. so i guess it's somehow a reliever from all the stress we have in school. since college and this age is a little bit complicated, it's nice to see something simple once in a while
so there, i just want to enjoy things right now. i wanna lay down and chill :D yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
Written by xin17 at 05:46 PM.
so what?
i watched a while ago, ally mcbeal on 2nd Avenue. The episode was funny alright but not as funny or not as entertaining as it was when i watched it like i don't know..9 to 10 years ago. anyway, nothing really it just made me remember my childhood days, the 90's days, where i usually enjoy with my sister [back when she wasn't so bitchy then] some TV episodes, and we'd become fans of this and that and like we never had any problem at all.
ummm actually, no. it's not that we didn't have problems or anything. we do have problems. actually i was thinking that im this problematic kid. i remember myself ranting on things, on silly things...ranting so much...that sometimes i'd like to die or kill myself or whatever...like as if it was the end of this fucking world. but it's not. it's as grave as it was and the world isn't as fucking shitty as it was then. i just love complaining back then about every little wrong thing that happened.
but i tried to compare the then and the now, i realized that all of those things that i ranted before were nothing compared to this one and then wasn't even reality yet. so i just realized that those things that i didn't think would happen, actually happened. Those things that i thought are only seen in tv etc, are actually real and not just some invented stories from some crazy writer or whatever, now that im experiencing some of the mishaps or unfortunate events of life. sometimes i want to laugh at myself, every time i think that then, we were like protected or guided or whatsoever by some people, and i still had the shitty guts to complain. and now, now that we're on our own, and shitness starts to happen and when shitness happens sometimes, some shitness have no mercy at all and they'll just completely crumble you down, until you become some unrecognizable pulp of fresh human flesh. i guess, now we're still protected but we are currently having a good taste of a reality and whatever taste you want it to be. No one's really going to help you or whatsoever. usually you're on your own. but sometimes, when all else fails and you've got no choice, there's always Him you know...Bro..
hehe well..i've been experiencing a lot of shitty and really devastating things in my life lately. As in i could only count a few good things that has happened to me lately. so i guess i'll just be thankful and all because so far, and so far i've seen and heard that complaining has gotten me nowhere. so right now i won't complain rather, i would tell myself just what to do and try as they say "choose happiness"
last week, i watched this video, the secret. i wanted my mom to view the video but unfortunately, i left it at my dorm for some reason which was shitty. so anyways.. i learned that whatever you send to the universe is what the universe sends back to you. so good vibes=goodness; bad vibes=bad shits. as simple as that. so that is prolly what they meant when they said to "choose happiness" because you've got the power and only you can do the decision now. the only contradicting part of this is that this is always easier said than done. but what the heck...
shitness happens everyday. so what?...
the only question that should lie here is that..."so what...--are you going to do about it?"
Written by xin17 at 05:08 AM.